...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I am midnight drunk by noon
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize