I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
