look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
