I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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