I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
