its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
