Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
