if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
