That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
