There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
