If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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