I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
