I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
