im gay
i know
yea but for you.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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