two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
