Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
