Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
