We're facebook friends in real life
I hope mine doesn't look like that
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
