that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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