Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
