you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
