heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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