This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
