Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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