I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
