My liver just broke up with me...
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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