wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
