there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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