woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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