best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
