It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm so fucking centered right now
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
