YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
