Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
