no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you win again, gameday.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
