yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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