WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
