At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
