I wish you could order shots online.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
