who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
