Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
