I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm too high and old for this...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize