So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
