found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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