just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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