i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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