Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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