i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
