3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
