we have officially lost it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
