So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
