we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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