The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just forgot I was standing up.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
