In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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