He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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