Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
