If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
