it wasn't lemon gatorade
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize