I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
wow bdsm is so cute
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
