Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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