Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
