It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
