so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize