and you said cock pushups were impossible
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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