Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
