Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
she looked like the before picture.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
