In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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