Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
