I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
